If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back --- then they get bigger again)
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Trust your captain .... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as a copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.
Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.
Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.
Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!
Gravity never loses -- the best you can hope for is a draw!
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.
It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas Pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) by Maintenance Engineers.
(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and get serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Why Airplanes Are Easier to Live With Then Women
Airplanes usually kill you quickly ~ a woman takes her time.
Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go".
Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.
Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.
Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.
Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.
Airplanes expect to be tied down.
Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.